I won't do that again.

take the three little hooligans shopping, that is.

I say that every single time.  YOU THINK I WOULD LEARN.  but the horrible memories fade and then I attempt it again.  WHY?  because I'm a glutton for punishment.  that and I love to shop.     

see, last year it wasn't so bad.  I was able to strap monkey man down in the stroller while I went about my business.  actually, Rowan loved shopping...well, okay, maybe it was the people watching or just being on the go.  whichever it was, he sat contentedly, never once attempting to chew through his straps and run away, while Ella and Phoebe trailed behind me like a couple of ducklings. Scarlett wasn't an issue as she was still trapped inside me.   

well things have changed.  Scarlett has arrived on the scene, thus taking over the role of 'chief stroller occupant'.  that leaves Rowan to walk.

and I should have known that would spell disaster.        

take yesterday for example.  the kids were driving me bananas so I thought they might enjoy a little outing.  instead of bringing them to the park, I decided to head downtown to do a little shopping. 

that was my fatal mistake.       

I had barely stepped foot into the store when Rowan spies the fish pond (why anyone would want a decorative pond in their store is beyond me).  he makes a beeline for it, nearly tumbling in head first as he flaps his arms excitedly and yells "pishy! pishy! PISHY!"  yes Rowan, those would be fish, I say, as I yank him by the shirt tail preventing a near drowning.  an employee spots the commotion and politely chuckles while she says "you sure have your hands full." I flash her a fake grin and think to myself; lady, if only you knew.

I make it through a couple racks before Rowan bolts off again, this time for the sunglass rounder.  I tell Phoebe to go fetch him.  he manages to pull four pairs off before she sidelines him.  I hear her discipline him, "you better stay by mom or you're going to be sorry."  Rowan simply screeches in protest.  the employees are on edge.

I place Rowan on my hip and order Phoebe to push the stroller.  all is well until I hear a loud crash from behind me.  Phoebe's attempt at maneuvering through one particularly tight space had failed, causing her to knock over a shoe display. 

the noise startled Scarlett who began to squall.  and Phoebe, upset over her mishap and fearing that she was in trouble, began to sob.  I set Rowan down to deal with the two girls and he promptly runs off again.  

my temper flares.

ACK!  this was turning into a three-ring circus.  I had a runaway, a squalling baby and a bawling 4 year-old on my hands.  not to mention a slew of overturned shoe boxes to clean up.  somebody PLEASE help me!

while I stood there frozen, a look of terror on my face, the hovering employees came running and began putting the display back together.  don't worry, we'll take care of this.

embarrassed over the scene we had caused, I mumble a quick apology and then proceed to get the heck out of dodge.

NEVER again.  these kids can stay tucked inside this house until they're 50. and then they can push ME around.  false teeth and all.  I'll show them. 

I wonder what the employees would say if I showed up with all nine kids?  just a thought.

-jessica