wherein Rowan shares a few photography tips.

in case you haven't heard, Rowan has recently taken up photography.  (what?  as if.  now we've heard it all.)  

no really, I'm serious.  

and while I wouldn't quite label him as "professional" (yet), I will say he's become fairly adept at taking pictures with my phone*, using techniques such as filling the frame, cropping, and tilting the camera, among other things.  

*I'll give him at least another year before I let him have at my DSLR.

being the nice guy that he is, Rowan has kindly agreed to share his top five photo tips with you.  I'll leave it up to your discretion whether you choose to implement them or not. 

1. how to take a photo of a cute chic without coming across as being overly aggressive.     

Rowan says: this calls for the technique known as the "two-fer-one."  simply pretend as if you're going to take a self-portrait and then covertly aim the camera to include the cute chic(s) in the background.  you'll have your photo, and no one will be the wiser.   

2. how to bust your mom sitting around in her pajamas drinking coffee at quarter to ten in the morning. 

Rowan says: to ensure that she's caught completely unaware, simply step back a few feet before snapping the picture.  and then.  THEN.  when she complains about how over-worked and under-paid she is blah blah blah, you can whip out your picture and say (but not before first reading her the miranda rights), "I don't think so.  according to this here photo, it appears you do nothing but sit around in your pajamas and drink coffee all day.  what do you have to say for yourself now, huh?  HUH?"  to which she'll either respond, "I plead the fifth" or "at age three, what do you know?"   

3. how to take gorgeous pictures of your neighbor's outdoor Christmas light display.

Rowan says: easy.  when your mom is not looking, snatch up her phone and quickly race outside.  by the time she figures out what's going on, you'll have already captured a stunning image.  and if you're lucky, it might even make the facebook cut like mine did.

4. how to take an award-winning photo of the Christmas tree. 

Rowan says: you'll for sure want to sneak in a shot of the Christmas tree this season, especially after having painstakingly rearranged the ornaments no less than 57 times, causing your mom to throw up her hands in despair and threaten to, and I quote, "tear the stupid thing down!"  to achieve the best shot, I suggest you lie down on the couch while taking the picture.  it makes the tree appear larger than it really is.

and finally,

 

5. how to subtly hint to your mom that she needs to lose a few pounds. 

Rowan says: here's the thing.  the thing is.  in order to have the most "OH MY WORD IS MY BUTT REALLY THAT BIG?" effect, the picture must be taken while she's facing away from you (make sure her rear end is in view), primarily because this is the least flattering angle.  also, be sure to include the cause of all those extra pounds (in this case, the bag of Hershey's kisses) somewhere in the photo as well.  remember, most moms are rather touchy about this subject, so go easy.

good luck and have fun!

sincerely yours,

Rowan the Red-Nosed Reindeer

look what I made!