you're not going to believe this.

I realize that I'm going to have to eat crow after saying this, and so in preparation, I've got my knife and fork out, ready to dig in.  chomp.

are you ready?  seriously, you're not going to believe it.  because I couldn't either.  still can't, in fact.

I'm sure by now you're all dying to know, right?  well, I don't want to rush into it because... shhh, don't say anything... but this bit of information I'm about to tell you could quite possibly make the headlines.  comprendez vous?  good, I want us all to be on the same wavelength.  no misunderstandings now, you hear?

okay, here goes nothing:

I... I... I... I'm... oh man, this is like, so hard for me.  absolutely painful.

because I just know once I tell you, you're going to gasp loudly, maybe even collapse due to shock, and... and, gosh, do you people have a hospital nearby?  I'd really hate for something bad to happen, because really, that's not my intention at all.  not one bit.        

oh man, I don't know if I dare spill it!  I'm feeling a little chicken all of the sudden.  

 well, maybe you better throw on a diaper just in case.

okay.  I think I can do this now.  deep breath.

I'm.... I'm.... g-g-g-o... help, this isn't working.    

I'm sorry.  obviously it's not the right time.

for once in my life I'm...  I'm speechless.

you're just gonna have to wait till tomorrow.

-jessica